Between Mark’s snoring , which has been known to rattle the windows of every house within a 2 mile radius, and Molly, our Yorkie, feeling the need to lick (very noisily I might add) her girlie bits at one o’clock in the morning while laying on my pillow, I haven’t been getting much sleep lately.
Yeah, it sucks.
So in order to catch up on some much needed sleep (sleeping between 3 1/2 and 5 hours of sleep a night for 2 weeks is just not enough for me, people) I went to bed the other night at 7:30 hoping to get a good nights sleep. I closed the blinds, crawled into bed, and shortly after I fell asleep I was transported to The Land Of (Naughty) Dreams, where Jeffrey Dean Morgan was waiting for me, wearing a Speedo, on a secluded beach somewhere in the Caribbean. While Barry White serenaded the two of us in the distance, I poured myself a drink and stretched out on my beach towel so Jeffrey could rub suntan lotion on my fabulously tanned and stretch mark-free body. Things were just starting to get good when…
“WONDER PETS, WONDER PETS, WE’RE ON OUR WAY!”
What’s going on? Why are there Oreo crumbs on my beach towel?
“…AND SAVE THE DAY. WE’RE NOT TOO BIG, AND WE’RE NOT TOO TOUGH…”
Barry? Are you alright? Why do you look like a guinea pig? Jeeeeeffrey… hey, where are you going? GET BACK HERE!”
“…CAUSE WHEN WE WORK TOGETHER WE GOT THE RIGHT STUFF! YAAAAY, WONDER PETS!”
Where the HELL was my Mojito!!!
After telling Jeffrey to “Hold on a second, I’ll be right back.”, I dragged myself out of bed and reminded myself that I wasn’t gonna win any “Mother Of The Year” awards by putting my 3 year old in a time-out for ruining what was proving to be a really good sex dream. I stumbled into the living room to find Ryerson marching back and forth between the living room and playroom, singing at the top of his lungs.
“Ryerson, what are you doing?”
“I’m SINGIN’, Mommy!”
“Yeah, I can hear that, and normally I love listening to you sing, but Mommy’s really tired tonight. Can you tone it down a notch? I can’t sleep with you singing the theme song to the Wonder Pets 10 feet away from my bedroom.”
“Yeah, Mommy, I sowwy… I won’t sing it.”
“Just not so loud… thanks.”
I went back into my bedroom and crawled back into bed hoping that Jeffrey hadn’t given up on me, and just as I was falling back asleep…
“SCOOBY DOOBY DOO, WHERE ARE YOU? WE’VE GOT SOME WORK TO DO NOW!”
I didn’t even bother getting out of bed… instead I turned on the tv, hoping to drown out the noise of my 3 year old, who’s well on his way to becoming the next American Idol, and buried my head underneath my pillow. When I finally fell asleep (at 11:30, it was my bad luck that Mark’s snoring measured 5.1 on the Richter scale that night) and entered the Land Of (Violent) Dreams, I found Linny and shot him in the ass with a bb gun.
Damn guinea pig.
Didn't we almost have it all...
Filed under: The Edge Of Insanity | Tagged: Ryerson
Aww! You poor thing! I know what you mean about not getting any sleep. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night on the couch. And I start off in the living room.
When Tripp was born I hadn’t eaten in over 12 hours and I was starving. As soon as I delivered they brought a lunch tray. It had a sandwich, carrots, and celery. I was a little dopey when they gave it to me. I picked up the celery and said in my best Ming-Ming voice, “This calls for some celery!!”
Everyone looked at me like I had lost my mind, except for the one nurse who also had a 3 year old. She knew that it was in reference to the Wonder Pets.
I hope you get some sleep tonight! Sounds like you need it!
Crap! I meant to say I start off in the *bed* room! See what sleep deprivation does to you!
Awww. The “I sowwy.” is so sweet. Quincy always says “I didn’t mean to…..”
The phone rang at work the other night and I sang under my breath, “The phone…the phone is ringing” Everyone looked at me like I was nuts. They don’t have kids.
I hate that guinea pig! Oh, and kick the damn dog off your bed for heaven’s sake! And hubby too if doesn’t stop snoring!
As I told your whilst we were twittering he had a prior engagement over at mi casa…lol Don’t you hate that when the dream just gets going good and then your interupted.. HOW RUDE! lol
My poor dogs. They’re going to have some competition once Sprite discovers Wonder Pets. Or maybe, they’ll be thankful. I can’t tell anymore…
Ugh, I still can’t access this blog from work. Looks like you’ll be my nighttime addiction from now on, you lucky girl, you.
If I could do anything to turn off those Wonder Pets I would do it! The thing that has made it worse is the wonderful turtle tank Mr. Man bought with 2 turtles that look just like Tuck and the kids stand in front of it singin the wonder pets theme song!!
I love hearing my sons talk since their words are so few but just the humming of this song gets to me too! LOL
Hope you are able to make it through one night of a “pleasant” dream – it is always hard to block out the rumbling volcanoes next to us though! Good luck!
If Matthew ever enters my dream and I am quickly awaken by a snore next to me and the little baby scratching her fleas at the foot of the bed, there is going to be hell to pay and they both know it. I will let the house burn down to the floor so that I can finish drooling and doing whatever else I am doing before I wake up from the closest I am ever going to get to Matthew. I feel your pain girl. You should try watching the Water Polo that will put you to sleep. Thank God I was able to Michael Phelps win another gold before I shut my eyes unvoluntarily.
Mmmm…Jeffrey Dean Morgan. Nice. My dreams aren’t so vivid. I am jealous. I hate those freaking Wonder Pets.
Awwww — what a shame you were so rudely interrupted! “Thhis is serious . . .” LMAO