“Sam, Do You Want To Play?”

I’m thirty three years old, and I’m afraid of the dark. There, I’ve said it… feel free to judge me.

In spite of the fact that I’ve repeatedly assured Ryerson that “there’s no such thing as ghosts”, it’s only something I tell him because it’s my duty as a parent to say things like that, along with “No, you can’t have a snack until you’ve finished your dinner” and “Don’t put your hand there”. Deep down I can’t help but ask myself… is there really a little girl with long pink hair hiding in his closet?

As much as it pains me to admit this, I still check the closets every night before I go to bed and I can’t sleep if I can see my reflection in the mirror. I’ve gone as far as rearranging our bedroom so that our mirror isn’t in a place where I have to see it, on the off chance I look in the mirror and see the refection of “Bloody Mary” staring back at me.

I know, I need therapy.

My irrational fear of the dark stems from when I was younger, and I personally hold Stanley Kubrick accountable. When I turned 12, my parents let me have a slumber party for my birthday… after my friends and I finished braiding each others hair and wondering out loud if we were ever gonna grow boobs (oh, wait a minute- that was this past weekend. nevermind, carry on), we watched the movie “The Shining”. Actually, let me rephrase that… they watched “The Shining”.

I cowered in the corner and begged them to turn it off.

Since then, I’ve made numerous attempts to finish the movie, but I’ve never been able to do it. I only get as far as the “body in the bathtub” scene, or at least I think it’s a body in the bathtub… I wouldn’t know. At that point I’m usually hiding my face behind a pillow while I inch toward the dvd player to turn it off. I don’t know why it’s important to me that I finish the movie… maybe it’s because it’s a cinematic classic (along with “Roman Holiday” but somehow I’ve managed to watch that without waking Mark up in the middle of the night because I need him to stand guard outside the bathroom door just in case Gregory Peck decides to come after me from out of the toilet with an axe) and the movie lover in me won’t rest until I’ve seen it, or maybe it’s because I know my fears are irrational, and I will have proved something to myself by finishing the movie…

There’s no such thing as ghosts (but what if there is?).

Last night I stayed up late and while I was cleaning I flipped through the channels hoping to find something to entertain me other than reruns of “Sanford and Son” and infomercials.

And there it was… “The Shining”. Jack Nicholson filled my 37 inch tv screen (which was hella scary enough… imagine my reaction had it been broadcast in hi-def) and taunted me. Mocked me.

“Heeere’s Johnny!”

Because I continue to beat a dead horse (figuratively speaking, of course- if the horse where in fact dead I would run away screaming, not bitch slap it… dead things creep me out) I put away the mop bucket, popped myself a bowl of popcorn, and sat down on the couch and prepared myself to be scared shitless.

I lasted 25 minutes.

Obviously, I never did finish the movie… when I finally went to bed, I had to get up again shortly after to shut the door because I kept imagining the Grady twins standing in the hallway outside my bedroom door.

“Sam, do you want to play?”

Not right now, but thanks for asking… maybe later. After I’ve finished ice skating in hell.

I showed you mine, now you show me yours… what’s the scariest movie you’ve ever seen, the one you never finished watching, or if you did, the one you wished you hadn’t?