Things That I Think Are Very Nice, Indeed

Because I’ve been so busy sitting on my ass and watching reruns of One Tree Hill saving injured sea lions and feeding the homeless, I haven’t had time to jump on the mammary glandwagon. A few weeks ago, FADKOG (For A Different Kind Of Girl) had written a post titled “The Tits List”.

* by ‘the tits‘, I mean things I think are cool and/or totally awesome, and not necessarily actual tits, which, it should also be noted, I have no problem with whatsoever, and, in fact, have found to be useful through a large portion of my life. They are, to bring this full circle, the tits. Thank you.

Unfortunately, there was a problem… I couldn’t actually use the word “tits” because my mother would freak. She would more than likely call me and then I would feel bad after her telling me of the constant teasing she’s had to endure from various family members (you know who you are) for her having a daughter that would use the word “tits” on the Internet.

Me: Hello?

Mom: Why are you writing about your boobs?

Me: Which time?

Mom: The post you wrote… “Things That I Think Are… well, that word I’m not gonna say because you know I don’t like that word.”

Me: Oh. It wasn’t ABOUT ‘em! It was a post about things that I thought WERE “tits”… it’s just an expression.”

Mom: I don’t care… I’ve never heard of it, and you know I don’t like that word. What are the kids gonna think when they’re older and they read this?

Me: Please, Mom… they’ve met me. They know I’m not perfect, and they know I occasionally use words they’re not allowed to say. Last month I yelled The Big Kahoona while we were eating dinner when Ryerson choked on a piece of steak. Trust me, Mom… the jig is up.

Mom: Well, don’t use it again. Your uncle keeps calling me and asking me why I didn’t make “The Tits List”. Then he uses the word as much as he can during the conversation just to aggravate me. I don’t like it.

Do you see what I mean? So rather than publicly humiliate my mother, I thought I would save myself a lengthy conversation in which she lectures me about the kind of language I use, and go with a more Internet-appropriate title…

Things That I Think Are Very Nice, Indeed

*Falling asleep with the windows open while it’s raining… we have freakishly large eaves, so as long as it isn’t storming, we can leave the windows open at night and I can fall asleep listening to the sound of the rain. I love that.

*Staying up late after everyone has gone to bed and having the entire house to myself and knowing I can do whatever I want without judgement. I can contemplate world peace and study the Theory Of Relativity… or I can shimmy my cocoa puffs while listening to “Country Grammar” and cleaning the house.

*Going an entire day without one of the kids asking me why it was necessary for me to give birth to the other. It doesn’t happen very often, but when they’re all getting along and enjoying each others company rather than arguing about who invented the Internet, I stand back and listen and wonder if there’s maybe hope for them after all.

*The Tudors”…. I love that show. Unfortunately we don’t have Showtime, so I have to wait until it’s released on dvd (which, by the way, is not very nice, indeed). I’m fascinated with that period in history, and I’ve been known to spend hours on the Internet learning all I can about different things that have happened during the course of history (because I’m a bit dorkish like that). Of course I know a lot of what happens on “The Tudors” is exaggerated for the sake of ratings, but I still watch it. Besides, if I want a lesson in history I’ll visit my local library… if I want to ogle Jonathon Rhys Meyers without his shirt on and wearing a pair of tights, I’ll tune in to “The Tudors”.

Can you blame me? I didn't think so.

*Once in a while Mark will come home from work on his lunch hour and he’ll bring me a fountain pop. I love fountain pop, I don’t know why… I think it tastes different. He knows me well enough to know the way to my heart isn’t jewelry or flowers… it’s a 32 ounce Bigg Swigg from Huck’s. I love him for that.

*Being a self-professed neat freak (Mark and the kids call me “anal”… I prefer “meticulous”), I love cleaning the house. Most people consider it a chore… I look forward to it. I can spend all day wandering the cleaning supplies aisle at Walmart, and it was with great joy when I brought home my first “Scrubbing Bubbles Automatic Shower Cleaner”. I spent just over an hour and a full bottle of cleaning solution peering over the shower door while I stood on a stool and watched the dual action jets work their magic. I’m getting tingles just thinking about it.

*Books… I love to read. When I’m not threatening to ground my kids until Armegeddon affectionately ruffling my childrens hair and calling them heathens hell bent on destroying my sanity “sweetheart”, or scrubbing the crevices in between my kitchen cabinets with a toothbrush, I can usually be found reading a book. Right now I’m reading “Key Of Knowledge” (Nora Roberts)… for the third time. If I don’t have time to go to the library, I’ll usually read something I’ve already read… sometimes a book is even better the second (or third, as the case may be) time around.

*FADKOG is definetely someone who’s very nice, indeed. If you haven’t read her blog already, then do so now… she’s hilarious, and I have a great deal of respect for anyone who shares my love of Neil Diamond and has no problem stating on the Internet that pointing to her crotch and saying, “Game on!” isn’t really a turn on. For that, she has my admiration (and my sympathies… I tried it and Mark wasn’t impressed, either. Jeez.). Thanks, love… you always manage to make me laugh.

Or snort Cheez-Its out of my mouth and onto the keyboard.